Profile of a School Shooter: Ingredient 2 - Bullying: Questioning of Sexuality and Masculinity

When does a boy become a man?

We are one of the very few societies without a rite of passage. There is no clear line between childhood and adulthood for most American youth. In most societies a boy was introduced to manhood around the age of 12 or 13. Here 18 is old enough to go to war and die for your country, but not old enough to legally drink a beer.

As modern Americans our culture is one of few that does not offer a clear cut line to define where childhood ends, and where manhood begins. We have several stepping stones. Turning 13, turning 16, getting their drivers license, turning 18, going off to college, turning 21.

Is it any wonder our American boys are confused?

We live in a society that places a great deal of emphasis on the image of masculinity with no clear but lines on what that actually means. As far as school shooters, almost none of these boys fit into the traditional male image. They were small for their age, often thin, they were not ladies men, and in many cases were extremely shy.

They often reported bullying by their peers.

A lot of us were picked on in school, but few of us struck out at our tormentors in such a violent manner. Contrary to media hype, it seems that severe bullying was present in very few cases. It was generally a slow steady stream of put downs and taunts that eroded their self esteem. Bit by bit they began to feel like they were "less than" their peers in some way.

Much of the teasing they reported involved attacks on their masculinity and sexuality. We as a society have a very rigid view of what a man should and should not be. Many of the people who bullied these boys fit the classic male stereotype. Many of the boys who committed school shootings did not. If the bullies are the real men, and the victims are the sissies then why should we be surprised that these boys chose violence as their equalizer?

If they do discuss being picked on with adults in their lives, they are often told that bullying is a part of life, something they just have to deal with. They learn not to talk about it, and we learn not to listen.

They were boys trying to get by in a man's world, and they felt like nature was against them from the beginning. I was surprised to see one thing in particular pop up over and over again. An outright questioning of the boys sexuality.

When someone wants to damage a girls self-esteem the first thing that is usually attacked is her self-image and her sexuality. Girls have a tendency to define others girls as prudish or promiscuous. If it is painful for a girl to be called a whore, how much more painful to call a boy out as being unmasculine?

There are a lot of rules regarding how a man should act, what his interests should be, how he should appear to others. Males who fit the traditional view of manhood are rewarded, those who do not are punished. In almost all cases the teasing centered around these types of teasing. Stripped of their male ego, and often recently rejected by a girl they somehow got the idea that the only way to reclaim their manhood was by force.

We put a lot of pressure on boys to conform to the manly ideal, to stuff their emotions, to suck it up and be a man.

Those surviving shooters that have been interviewed and the writings left by those who died indicate they felt they were seeking a manly solution. Many of them considered suicide but felt that by picking up a gun, and taking others with them they were somehow reclaiming the power that had been taken from them.

Please note, whether this was the reality or not is anybodies guess. School shooters very clearly see the world differently than the rest of us. It wasn't the reality these shooters attacked, but their perception of reality.